I have a feeling we are going to become cougars together.
I always see him when I'm wearing my ripped pants. I think its because of the hole in the crotch. My vag sends out supersonic "I'm horny" waves to him. Otherwise the calls are muffled.
it was like one of those moments where the couple runs together and kisses and everyone in the airport claps. but instead of clapping an indian guy walked by and said 'ahhhright! get some!'
Oh and then this old man who saw it happen goes "don't do that"
Hahaha what a helpful old man. Like you thought it was normal to be spilling gas everywhere.
the girl next to me just texted someone in her phone named Optimus Prime
...i wonder what he did to earn that nickname
Everytime I walk into a bathroom at school that I've taken a pregnancy test in I get a little bit nostalgic....
He's almost as awesome as vicodin.
Can i tell him you said that? Cuz i know that means a lot coming from you
Is it true if I say your name three times, you'll appear and whore everything up?
Mike found the condom wrapper on the washing machine and looked at me and said "Magnum? NICE girl. Get that nut!" then proceeded to puke in a cup
I am at Brians in a pirate costume, what the hell am I thinking
Jacked up my neck and shoulder hanging on for dear life while I rode him like a boss. Plus my house smells like broccoli, bad! How's YOUR morning?
I know it must have been a hard break up. Are you okay?
Oh yeah, I'm fine dude. My vaginas heart is broken though. I feel bad for her, you should give her a call sometime.
did you just correct my grammar and then send me a photo of your dick?
i dunno but you just looked at him said "youre making me really wet" and straight pissed your pants
when some dude came up to you and said he didn't like your shirt you just looked at him and firmly asked if he really thought that you gave a fuck.
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