Let's create a 16 and pregnant drinking game
I don't care how high you are, you can't finger me while eating potato chips.
You bit the bartender when he refused to poor rum in your purse and hand you a straw.
Standing in my kitchen eating choc chip cookie batter from the bowl. As sad as it is, I kinda like the places bad breakups take me.
Either I'm tripping balls or my dog has super powers.
I told her shower beers are even better when you have someone in there with you and she said she's been looking for a new drinking buddy. It's a goooooo
I was like wtf you can warn a girl like hey I have a huge dick and I fuck for hours
Someone google feeding your vagina Advil and Neosporin
I had to hypnotize my roommate last night so there's that.
I couldn't stop laughing at the fact he was cutting lines with a sears card. What 24 year old has a sears card?
I was just trying to flirt with James Franco but she kept telling me to take shots out of Ron Burgundy's mouth
If I spent my amateur stripper money does that mean I am cleansed of my sins?
She leaned in close to me, made eye contact, and seriously whispered "I will eat your soul with bacon bits." I want whatever drug she was on.
He literally ejaculated and I hit Uber
I swear to god, I'm like....the Jedi master of dick.
The economy cant be that bad, I willingly got fired to bang her again.
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