He tried to pick up a girl by telling her about his homosexual experience in high school.
I dont even clean my room anymore .. i drunk proof it for when i come back smashed with a guy
You took a bag of frozen peas to bed wiith you "to help with the inflamation".
There is literally a guy in my class with a gallon of water and a trophy.
The sun is so bright. Whhyyyyy. EYES ARE DEAD.
first one here with a pint of chicken lo mein, aspirin, and diet green tea ginger ale, gets a full effort bj the day after tomorrow.
The only thing I accomplished today was naming the bag of wine I've been drinking
She deserves a chance to suck my penis. This is America. Its her God given right.
Yes, he does have a boomerang dick. No matter how many times I throw it away, it keeps coming right back and winds up hitting me in the head.
I just know what's gonna happen. I mean. I shaved my legs up to shorts length. But I'm leaving the rest as a sort of makeshift caution tape.
Afterwards he face timed like four of his friends screaming he banged the hot intern.
Lessons learned from last night: do not leave me drunk and alone with strippers and a credit card. Let's do whatever's cheaper.
I have to have boobs, you have the charm and wholesomeness that gets boyfriends... And i have boobs
I keep worrying she's gonna have a repeat of the time the ceiling fan was talking in Chinese
If I lock her out of the apartment right now would the neighbors have grounds to sue?
Randomize
