I just spent twenty minutes with brandons dad explaining why head isnt typically considered sex...can we say awkward?
You would get kicked out of the study lounge for being drunk the monday of finals week
think i got pink eye from a stripper in vegas. showgirls did not prepare me adequately for this. be kind, 2010.
when it says do not use on the face or genital areas, it MEANS do not use on the face or genital areas.
next time we drink: battle shots.
battle shots or battle shits? if its the first, explain. if its the second I think I figured it out.
I just bought $54 in Easter crap to try and blend in the pregnancy test... And FYI, it totally worked.
being sober in physics class makes me realize the regularity with which i show up to it still drunk
So not the biggest tits he had his cock between. He could have lied.
Happy birthday, you long dick monster
I don't know, I kept pretending that I was riding an elephant during. It was actually really fun, but you can't tell him that!
I'm not saying I haven't been that drunk. I'm just saying I haven't been that drunk and then have cops buy me shots.
Don't make me do math I'm drunk and full of chicken
Made it to my hair appointment on time, and got some dick. Today is already a great day
Did you hear about the guy wearing a spiderman mask running around naked with a bottle of patron?
Yeah.
I was spiderman.
Hurry I'm alone dressed like a prostitute eating French fries.
Randomize
