the chick doesn't look like she's put anything in her mouth for weeks other than his dick.
I failed the drunk obstacle course of trying to find my bed... consolation prize... a sore ankle and "disappointed' parents.
Stop blaming waffle house for all your problems
there are way too many $1s in my wallet for last night to have been 'tame'
Bad news. I lost my teeth. Good news. I can still take a guy home sans teeth.
She's yelling about threesomes and realllly wants you to come over. Put the pieces together.
I don't know but someone, somewhere gave someone a hand job and someone else was pissed about it...
I'm going to miss hockey season. It was the best excuse to get drunk on a Tuesday night.
I "liked" his changed relationship status just to show him I'm ok with the fact he found someone not as pretty as me
Better safe and shitfaced than hungover and in need of another surgery.
My ass is underappreciated
I haven’t sent any nudes yet in 2018.
That’s not true...is it?
I mean his penis was perfect in pictures but its even more perfect inside me
yes that’s a photo of a horny gay donkey
Oh I know. I’ve known many horny gay donkeys in my time.
No pussy. I don't care what time of year it is you do not look tough wearing sandals. Honestly you look like a high school guidance counselor.
Randomize
