I can't find my pants or my car
I didn't even hookup I think I took them off at taco bell...
ha omg I always lose my dignity at taco bell as well... so no big deal.
i really like this girl i slept with last night
you ask her out again?
yeah but she said she is busy next weekend getting married
so i was trying to be sexy and unzip his pants with my teeth. i got my lip caught in the zipper and it bled for a good 15 min, totally a mood killer.
In my 8 am class there was a pack of birth control on the board with a note saying, "Some dude somewhere is unhappy."
She bit a glass in half.
Um. That's my cat Laura. You put my cat in your mouth, and then you put my cat in your purse.
people came up our fire escape and one had a cut on his leg and he was beautiful so i told him i was an emt and bandaged it with princess bandaids
we tried to exchange flip flops in the parking lot and fell over then army crawled home
Sad fact: I'm doing that thing where I'm bored so I give myself Princess Leia hair and drink alcohol.
SOMEONE WITH THE TWITTER HANDLE "METHLAB" FAVORITED THAT PICTURE
I do NOT want my proposal story to start "...he was peeing on me and then..."
I think one of my ovaries is committing suicide. But that is a topic for another day.
She's the good dick fairy. You buy her a beer and half an hour later the best lay in the place is asking to take you home.
And for the record I didn't even have sex last night. I threw up in his toilet and slept in his bed until noon
I'm a teacher who's always telling kids about the importance of due diligence, yet I'm eating an avocado out of a coffee filter because I'm too lazy to wash dishes
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