is it a bad sign that i now think of my run-ins with cops as "skill building seminars"?
um, yeah. i think it is.
Ever have the mailman look at you like youre a chronic masterbator. I have.
this crazy girl in up in Dennys is going crazy because Bob Saget just texted her.
As long as you don't die I'm in full support of your drinking decisions
...that's why he's not doing anything with his life except breeding geckos
Just remember that she is a giant dick-sucking forehead and you are better than that.
don't forget friday is see who can get the most free drinks at the gay bar contest. winner gets $50
Well, I had a dudes gf walk in on us the next morning but nothing during...She shook my hand after I got dressed and said "nice to meet you with your clothes on" best moment of my life.
the worst part was waking up this morning to his skrillex ringtone.....when was it ever okay for friends to let other friends go home WITH GUYS LIKE THAT!?
Hope you don't mind if I never tell my family about you.
Watching the wiggles while tripping on acid is the scariest fucking thing of all time
I just picked up my phone and one shoe from the man mowing the lawn next to the ice rink. He found them in a tree.
Sheila knows I only go down on her on Bastille Day. Valentine's Day we get high and watch The Neverending Story. THE SYSTEM WORKS.
She asked me to tell her the three words every girl wants to hear so I whispered "I play hockey" in her ear.
Jesus better clutch that motherfucking wheel, then.
I'M NOT PUTTING MY TRUST IN JESUS! I'M PUTTING MY TRUST IN YOU!
Randomize
