i got lost in a forest last night. this morning I realized the "forest" was just 6 trees on campus.
this is the second time this summer that a girl has called me a ken dol
you shouldn't let them see you without your pants on
epic walk of shame this morning involving 2 subway transfers. I need to start sexing locally.
An ad on my facebook says "don't be THAT girl". Its like it knows.
How much cunt could a cunt bag punch if a cunt bag could punch cunt?
Nothing says "This dudes gotta go" better than a boner on your back waking you @ 5 in the morning
I don't even have to turn the heat on in my car. Just fart the whole way home.
I believe some people would call last night an orgy.
he might be the rich husband I pretend to love for the rest of my life!!!!
mary just dropped the yahtzee dice in her wine. and shes throwin em like shes on a craps table.
hahahaha slap the bag.
So a sorority girl just introduced herself to me by saying "a guy I used to fuck just threw up on me" and then she grinded on me
Nothing quite like coming out of an alcohol induced blackout walking down Spruill Avenue carrying a silver briefcase full of IT tools you don't know where they came from. This is my life.
No more chicken and waffles served by drag queens at 2 AM. :(
Just sent my mother the text "we need to get our vaginas looked at this thursday". Hows your day going?
You know you're high when you find yourself sitting on the floor with the refrigerator door open, talking to various foods. Hand gestures and all.
Randomize
