i told the bartender last night that if the palace saloon made a calendar he would be every month.
We started hooking up and a group of freshmen outside my window started chanting my name. Encouraging yet distracting
Freedom, beauty, truth, and love to all. I also probably have syphilis
I thought that wasn't a thing ever since she showed you her vag on the dance floor
But seriously who drew a dick on a tortilla and nailed it to the door?
When they send me to rehab, I'm screaming your name down the halls.
It's like a harem of immaturity and bad ideas...and that's coming from me
My night started to turn around the time I started calling her a "raggedy cunt".
Somehow she got that I meant it as a term of endearment.
Lmfao. We asked what you wanted to eat and you said vagina. I don't care what kind. Fresh, barbecue, roasted on a camp fire. I just want it on my taste buds.
We took your mom out drinking and we wound up winning 18 games of Flip Cup. You have amazing genetics.
Im shooting goldshlager and waxing my crotch
Her son walked into the middle of the living room, took off his diaper, shit on the floor, smiled at me, and walked out, as if nothing happened.
So date night went well?
I'll just go on tinder. Seeking strong male to help take apart ikea furniture and move. I'll touch your dick.
I was covered in mud from my knees down, I smelt like the inside of a port-a-potty and only had mascara on one eye. . . so you know your usual Sunday brunch.
What? I'll do just about anything if you give me a sticker.
Randomize
