Just FYI I rubbed poison oak on all your sheets and blankets so we all will know who you hooked up with (in about a day)
i wokr up in ohio with no clothes. i think someone gave me ecstacy. can you come find me please it's cold.
Ok so the guy below me is either having sex very loudly or is very lonely
I woke up with the wrong plaid-shirted guy in my bed.
Is it sad that when she told me he has a small peen I felt like it made us more compatible?
There's something really special about 3:00 in the afternoon drunk that just can't be duplicated at any other time of day.
I found her sleepin on the side of the house in the rocks. so i woke her up and yelled at her and she would only come inside if i let her sleep in the bathroom.
the potatoes in the margarita machine wasn't the breaking point. its when he turned on the stove and put a bunch of bottle rockets on it that i knew the night had prematurely failed
Dude, I think shitting blood should be a cause for concern not celebration that you had a great night.
About to be a 4Loko vomit fountain in 45 seconds, what color will it be? Animated birds will fly out of me.
Woke up with chlamydia and a bruised rib. I'd say my boss is gonna be mad about me not showing up to work, except you know.. it's her fault.
He danced with some other girls and you started yelling "I can't believe I wasted half my Chili's gift card on you" at him
A penis isn't a time share. I want to own not rent.
After dropping your phone on the ground you got down and sat with it, kissed it and apologized for being so mean
I don't know who's idea it was to get wine for a frat party but my poor pitiful hung over self really fucking hates them.
Randomize
