Christians are straight up FREAKS
i wish i could just hire someone to go down on me every night until i fall asleep
If I start taking birth control 8 days after we had sex do you think it'll stop the baby from being made?
Just asked my dog if he was proud of me for making it home. That drunk.
Her facebook status said "just got a sign from god". I texted her and apparently she found a slice of pizza in the shower.
You almost married that.
after she rolled over and said 'i'm so glad you're like my gay best friend, love you' then left. did i just get friendzoned AFTER sex??
Using a joint as a bookmark. What is my life?
I am still sore from last night. I can't wait for you to meet my parents.
The only reason I can fathom that you've been able to continue to date new people this long is that women continue to become of age each year, and the younger ones don't know any better.
Aw don't be embarrassed. It was all good fun! We've all been there. You can't come to vegas and NOT get a little alcohol poisoning. That's like going to church and not praying.
It's 1pm, she's in the shower, I don't have the guts tell her I wasn't her blind date. Someone got stood up.
He yelled "I'm Bruce Springsteen!" when he came. This is why I don't sleep with guys from Jersey.
If it exists, I've probably pregamed it.
For now I'm a single mom monday-thursday and a drunk looking for dick the rest of the week
why does every cop we meet know your name?
Randomize
