life lesson# 3: saying thank you on a subway really means "im not a native new yorker, so please feel free to touch my ass"
hmm. interesting. explain how you came across this knowledge.
i sneezed. he said bless you. i said thank you. he groped. i again said thank you.
This house was built for laser tag.
last night i found out that my 11 year old cousin used me as an example of what not to do in her D.A.R.E. speech. awesome.
Does puking on your bio final mean I can retake it?
He told me I couldn't drink an unopened bottle of water he had in his room because that was his emergency bong water
he came so fast he could have be employed at jimmy johns
And I'm ok with his balls touching my ass
I was passed out in a dog food bowl tor two hours. Just tapped my dinner beer. I love homecoming.
THAT FUCKER WASTED TWO OF MY COLORED CONDOMS! HE DIDN'T EVEN FUCKING FINISH IN IT HE JUST SLAPPED IT ON AND WASTED IT!
These cutoffs are too tight but my ass looks like Freedom
I was standing in my mom's kitchen in only my neon green thong, eating pizza over the garbage can, and sobbing while he was yelling at me.
I spilled wine on my pillowcase and I figure it's basically my lifeblood so I'm just leaving it
I'm a lady who knows what she wants in life, and that's uncommitted dick.
I found a used condom in my purse this morning. It was in there with a bunch of smushed french fries.
I asked him to have birthday sex with me via xbox live
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