it's like sucking your thumb. only its not yours. and its a penis.
What can i say im a girl who smells like weiners.
She literally crushed my balls between her butt cheeks. It was both the greatest and worst thing ever. Dancers are awesome.
Chugged a beer while being walked to the bathroom by campus police to pour the beers out.
How do you get a black eye playing beer pong??
My way of showing team usa support, bronze: handy silver: bj gold: home run. God, I'm patriotic
From now on when a guy sends me a dick picture I'm going to send them a picture of some other dudes dick.
That's what my new years consisted of. Consoling heartbroken girls and having people throw up in my hands.
I spent half an hours grinding with a drunk Harry Potter cosplayer at the con rave. Pretty sure I felt his wand.
He's going to find out eventually, but really what's he going to do? Cry about it and buy another fucking kitten??
You gotta own your makeout pics Matt. They're like badges of honor
You can tell by the way he cuddles that he's got mommy issues
I believe the only reason I am slightly functional right now is the leftover drugs in my nose that I keep sniffing
reminiscing on last night: why the fuck did I feel the need to stand on chairs everytime we took a jello shot?
She made me watch three musicals and then told me she was too tired for me to stay over. I think I'm being punished but I have no clue what I did.
Randomize
