We stole some shitttt from king sooper's. fuck yeaaa
what did you steal
frozen pizza, cat litter, and preperation H. not much different than my usual grocery list.
it really sends the message that i like to impregnate mortal women and have them birth fantastic half man-half god infants.
I wish Michael J Fox could read me bedtime stories
He could rock you to sleep
God dammit, you have a cape and I don't even have a fucking jacket.
Last night I dipped into my beer fund to pay for groceries. SINCE WHEN ARE MY PRIORITIES SO WHACK???
I hid a girl's boot last night so I could ransom it back this morning via the "blowjobs for boots" program.
Sending me a thank you card for letting you fuck my sister was completely inappropriate
I don't know what you're talking about. I just drank beer out of my own bellybutton by doing a backbend and letting it run down my body.
Your lower body and my face have had way too much contact lately.
I wonder if they have a "21st birthday" section in the hospital..
like i literally can feel my uterus getting frustrated at me for not being pregnant.
Let's just say we ended up at Denny's with a strippers shoe that we had to discreetly leave at the door to the strip club this morning
That's the second time the same cop pulled me over well a different girl was giving me road head
This is a hangover from hell. Delivered by the devil himself.
So, I need to know. Why did you spraypaint your underwear gold?
Randomize
