I can only date guys with blackberrys
I just decided its a new prereq to talk to me
my entire walk over here no one looked in my eyes. Period Boobs are BAACKKK.
you just kept swimming in circles and whenever someone would try and coax you out you would scream "i CANNOT drown, my brother is the supervisor of a water park!!
By the way, turns out "Danny B" is his penis. Not his cousin. I was right.
all i wanted to do was something grown up. like go to applebees and drink.
I don't care. I'll be that guy that eats cake in a car. Alone. With the doors locked.
I think he's on the stoner protein diet. I just saw him, at 3 am, spreading mayo on a slice of deli ham and sprinkling salt on top.
these girls were driving down the road screaming "SHOT!!" out the windows and pelting potatoes at passerby.
i got hit in the ear.
At one point last night I over heard you say " I'm gonna puke in a bag and pour it down your throat" I LOVE YOU.
A guy in the dance floor is raising the roof with an axe in hand. I love Halloween.
At 2pm we are having a MANDITORY house meeting about last night. ALL must be in attendance!
I'd like to review the planning and execution of the party to determine how we hosted a naked party, to determine how we can have more.
I like dinosaurs. I like penises. It's kind of a win win
HE BEAT A GUY WITH NOTHING BUT RAZZLE DAZZLE AND HIS FABULOUSNESS
Of course I fucked her, her man stole my bike when we were kids
I hummed the theme from jaws while she was taking the pregnancy test....needless to say she was not pleased
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