So i decided to deal with the awkwardness of last night by making out with all three of them
so you masturbated because Oprah told you?
You saying I have a drinkingg problem is like saying Superman has a flying problem.
dude i need to stop getting high. i cant afford to eat like this...
He made sure to throw up on the Mexico side of the border while we were in line at the check point. Then finished by screaming you an have it back. You can have it all back.
apparently breaking a beer bottle and then throwing up in a urinal is a terrible way to pick up girls.
Thanks for telling my landlord that the poop stain was yours and not my secret dog.
I feel like I have heartburn in my nipples.
The plan is that you eat an edible first, then pressure your dad to do one. You know you are down.
I don't know why I do this to myself his dick is a constant source of disappointment.
I have a tattoo that says Yolo. You should not have been asking my advice in the first place
Just put on slippers before underwear so you know where my priorities are
So apparently being drunk at work isn't allowed.. who knew?
Is it bad that whip cream tastes like sex to me?
Fucker was flying a Bruins flag. He can pick up the dog's poop himself.
Randomize
