I'm drunk in f*****g wisconsin and want to kill myself.
If it's any consolation, be grateful that you're not in New Jersey.
Deffinety need to stop having sex on the beach just took a dump and it was mostly sand
His bookmark is a piece of toilet paper. No shame there.
I just dont understand why you didnt cut me off when I took the funnel into the bathroom and started peeing and funneling at the same time
I wish Samuel L. Jackson would narrate our bar crawls
Apparently my downstairs neighbors don't much appreciate it when I do drunk aerobics at 3am on a Wednesday...
You just threw your burrito at the passing teenage couple and yelled "It's never gonna last" of course your were a shit show
Legitimate concern. Who am I going to have birthday sex with?
Oh thank the gods of upholstery, i thought that was never coming out...
just got home to find my brothers naked on the floor covered in chocolate. i am now nervous about sleeping in the same room as them
I woke up at 4 am. Literally pissed. No idea what happened. I could have fucked a cow.
I mean, the sex was awesome last weekend, but I didn't even imagine I'd reached ovarian rupture status.
"This is Emily. She likes potatoes. And sometimes laughs and cries at the same time, and has a wonderful butt"
I just shaved my pubes into a heart shape. if that doesn't scream romantic idk what does
No it's a real cult, with original ideas and shit like that
Randomize
