so i was dancing to the glee soundtrack with highheels. i tripped. and the dildo fell on my face. i dont know what happened.
On my arm I have 12 dashes, and below is written "plus 2 pretty stout whiskey drinks, so, you be the judge"
I can't believe you're fucking in the bar bathroom, but everyone else can, and they're really proud.
Just when you think you're never going to have sex again, BOOM you're naked in bed with a guatemalan
ok, just found out the kid i had random sex with in April was on wheel of fortune so i can really no longer say i regret that night
idk what id do withouhrh yoy btro
Dude I'm looking through my old high school year book and I circled every girl I fucked.. what was wrong with me.
Best elective surgery ever. Having a great time ignoring girls' pleas to pull out and blowing it inside anyway. I like to watch them absolutely freak out and go batshit crazy for 20 mins before I mention the snip-snip surgery. Power trip.
I know how I'm going to make my fortune.. designing an icepack made specifically for the vagina.
Let us do this. Tomorrow night is thirsty Thursday. Let us drink whiskey from the bottle and have men in plastic gloves inscribe permanent images of each others faces onto our buttocks.
but they dont look like handprints. looks like someone had a boxing match with my tits and my tits lost
in the future when you find clothing in your street, just assume it's mine.
Well I passed out before 4:20 on 4/20 so I deem it a failure AND a success.
Dude, if that was the MLB player I think it was leaving your bedroom this morning please tell me you got his autograph. It could pay the rent for like six months.
You’ve seen my tits of course he broke his wedding vows
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