just realized I'm too high to take the plastic off a slice of cheese....
I don't remember coming home but there is cereal EVERYWHERE
You were telling me to give my phone mouth to mouth so it wouldn't die.. Should i be worried for you?
apparently the dude across the street has been dead for like a month. now I feel bad about pissing on his lawn
I might not be able to enter cuba but that doesn't mean that a cuban can't enter me
well at least you didnt have sex with him. i feel like a proud mother. you always have sex with them.
She has no definite jawline and all of her photo's have Ke$ha quotes as captions followed by a "<3" Even by your standards that is embarrassing.
Pretty sure I blacked out the last 48 hours, the last thing I remember is the 4 pm bar crawl on Thurs
Can you believe they're going to let me be a doctor?
i feel like my tongue has its own mouth, and that mouth just bit its tongue and is clenching its teeth.
Its bad when you wake up with a penis drawn on your face. Its worse when you find out its traced..
You're the reason why I want to be a better drunk
The last thing I remember about last night was guzzling white zinfandel out of the box and eating cheese. And I was thinking OH YOU FANCY HUHHH
The first crop top of the year and you're rocking it in the ER. #ratchet
What is my life?
Today's hangover is brought to us by Sailor Jerry's and your dedication to my alcoholism.
If my vagina was a person it would have a bandage around its head and it's arm in a sling rn
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