It's like a parade of train wrecks.
My Nuvaring birth control makes me queef.
i know, but like... i wanna be a CLASSY i'm-stealing-your-date kind of slutty...
I just went to a subway where the girl didn't know how to make a blt. I will not miss public school texans.
the only reason he called me tonight was because I fertilized his crops on farmville.
Also, last night I had a dream that I was in a victoria's secret fashion show and they made me wear a t-shirt over my lingerie. Spring dieting begins now.
i feel like this needs to be a 'lose some teeth' kind of weekend.
she cried into her fur with two handfuls of money- she was the physical manifestation of white girl problems
last night a police horse bit me when i was wasted. even the animal kingdom knows i'm no good
He made me cum via FaceTime, then he made me look at his stock investment charts..
I don't care how hot she was, she wouldn't stop singing "Shut Up and Dance", instant boner-killer.
It's not even 8:30a, wine glass is broken, there's sugar everywhere, and your mom just asked me what MILF means.
Banged a guy with 2 broken arms once. Top that
What happened last night?
Lets just say you asked me a couple times if you had eyeballs..
Don't know where this pizza came from but i got breakfast in bed
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