We may or may not have a drunk cat on our hands.
The bartender told me the best pick-up line was to look deep into her eyes and tell her your gonna flick her vagina
I know eh? If a man wants to pay 7 bucks to see some boobies he should be allowed to do so in peace.
How many bratwuest were you able to fit in your mouth at one time? It's me, Hans.
Saturday at 4 is jello wrestling sponsored by the senior class council. That's why my school is awesome. Boom.
What was she thinking? I'm not in the business of charity fucks anymore.
today is just not my day... it could be raining penises and I would get hit in the face by a vag
We laughed. We cried. We came everywhere.
I wish you were awake and high the same times I was awake and high. And also in the same state. So we can fuck passionately.
You cried for a while then lifted lots of weights then cady's ex put glitter on your tits and then you took a nap. I got you pizza and brought you home. Nothing too exciting.
Lexi was drunk enough at 2pm to say "fuck tom brady and fuck you too" to literally every person at the store in Pats attire.
Woke up and took my pants off only to realize that I was wearing my shirt from last night as my underwear
I woke up next to a box of cheese bread it was super romantic
He is in my tree wearing full on scuba gear ... Get here asap.
He went down on me for like 30 min and honestly half the time I thought about those videos where people can smash watermelons with their legs and I just wanted to do that to his skull
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