guess they didn't have any donuts in her size.
my dad's beating me at drinking again. No matter what i do I can't win.
I'm glad you trust me to be your sex stat keeper.
so i say "rick dont build that sandcastle" and he "says ok i wont" then i wake up and its sandcastle fucking city all over my apartment
No, this is non-alcoholic oatmeal.
Ya well here is the deal with last night, it was the Biggest shit show we have ever co-stared in.
ok so I've decided, new penis Thursday (formally known as new people Thursday) will need to be put on hold next week in preparation for Friday
Memorial weekend is the following week genius. New penis Thursday countdown has already begun.
Seriously your house is like the underground railroad for unwanted gay kids
Don't pretend you don't want to dance on the edge of overdose all three nights
who is the naked dude on the coffee table
thats jeff, jeff is nice so don't be rude
i'm just really offended he didn't want to have breakup sex. like that was the only thing i was really looking forward to
I feel like I hate him but his dick too bomb to hate completely
So, I gotta figure when the nurses at the emergency room noticed my new hair cut it means I'm there too often, right?
Taking one of the loudest shits ever at work and I have to say...I'm having a better time than I thought I would
I often worry that if I get famous, people from my past will recognize me and start talking to the media
Randomize
