walked into a party last night, i saw 3 ex gfs standing in a circle talking to each other...that's the quickest u-turn i've ever made in my life.
i just fingered the ice cream at home instead of getting a spoon
been there done that
Don't be a dummy cum on the tummy. Make her a slut, and cum in her butt. Have no fear, jizz in her ear. Don't be a noob, cum on her boob. Forget her rack, blow on her back. Just take off your coat and jizz in her throat. And if she seals off her holes, cum in her rolls
is that a poem?!
oh btw spread eagle is not an appropriate phrase to use in a scientific presentation. learned that the hard way
At the pride parade. It's not even noon and I'm drunk as shit... for equality of course
I told her that if she blew me I would give her the empty pizza box in the fridge.... Why did she agree?
I vaguely remember chanting "USA" at the pool when we were talking to the Frenchies.
We were pointing at fat people and chanting USA.
She just cut the six pack plastic up and screamed "save the dolphins"..she also threw away cans of tuna. I like this girl.
You know you're an adult when you break 100 to get 75 cents, to buy a condom from a bar vending machine in South Boston.
The cleaning lady has a form she makes me sign every time she finds me passed out in my office so she can keep track of how much to charge me each month for keeping quiet about it.
What's protocol when the 18 year old son of an anti-gay preacher sends you a message on Grindr during church?
Well I passed out before 4:20 on 4/20 so I deem it a failure AND a success.
He turned down head in favor of a handjob. Not sure if he's crazy or i have magic hands
It's routine now. He comes home from work and i ride him like a cowgirl with only a few sips of wine. I love being his neighbor.
Wanna buy a dildo with me during your lunch break tomorrow?
Randomize
