Do fat girls normaly have fat that look like a penis by their pussy?
What the hell did you do last night?!
I sent the random girl I had sex with last night a 'happy mothers day' text as a reminder to get the morning after pill.
I thought the cops would know I was on shrooms because I was 10ft tall.
i'm sitting in class and looking at who would die if all the fans suddenly fell from the ceiling. i guess i have next year to pass history..
Found trail of ibuprofen on ground. I'm like the intervention version of e.t.
Did i tell you that he's legal and i got his number? Because he's legal and i got his number. THIS BITCH AIN'T GOING TO JAIL YET
Also this freshmen guy is talking about his gag reflex and no one is making blowjob jokes. I have no faith in the next generation.
Don't pretend you don't want to dance on the edge of overdose all three nights
Just fat and dog and sweat all over the bed. All night long.
There is a 97.5% chance that my sketchy roommate is also a hooker.
So when can I meet her?
he just exposed your dildo usage to the table.
side note: on a scale of 1-10, how bad an idea is it to hook up with 9 cats guy?
At one point, the bartender wrote out the words "please kill me" on some receipt paper and slid it across the bar to me.
Man, it's really obvious that I was either handcuffed or tied up last night. Either way, not something you'd want coworkers knowing.
don't let your emotions get tangled in that sexy beard of his.
Randomize
