the reason why you were crawling on your hands and knees from room to room last night was because you thought the ceiling fans were chasing you...
that makes sense.
Mission leave-the-puke-on-the-floor-til-the-dog-eats-it completed. I work smarter not harder
my dad just walked in on my jacking off and all he had to say was "I thought you were bigger than that".... thanks dad.
I hope the dean has a raincoat on because I'm prolly gonna throw up on him when I get my degree
Lets just not get arrested. That might put a damper on everything. I only say that cause i've almost been arrested.
Thanksgiving. This year's theme: I am thankful that I still have a liver.
After I finished inserting the catheter he said he thought my name was familiar. Didn't have the nerve to tell him he was my fifth grade teacher.
Just walked in on him banging another girl. He told me " sorry but I'm gonna finish now that I'm caught" ...... I think this is the reason god gave me four older brothers....
It just smells like spaghetti and despair.
I told him about the time I blacked out and shit myself and he still wanted to have sex with me that night. Feeling pretty optimistic about where this fling is going.
just so you know.. snorkeling hungover: great decision. I was throwing up and he couldn't even tell!
She was dressed as a banana and told me that I needed more potassium in my diet. Of course I went down on her.
A homeless man just offered me vodka. The power it took to deny it deserves an award.
It was beautiful and filled the audience with hope for the future. :3 I wish I could speak more but sleep werk nighty
I asked how you were doing?
Wow first he impregnates you then he won't send you the sex tape you made together? Where has chivalry gone?
Randomize
