I just ate a cockroach and I want to be a fire truck.
I just cleaned my sheets and decided to do a black light test. My headboard is a masterpiece.
around noonish you got carried out for spitting water and throwing cups at old people...
You kept telling that ginger girl, "it's not your fault, it's not your fault, it's not your fault."
Pretending to care to care about playoffs in exchange for free shots. I'm sorry in advance.
complete strangers are now referring to me as 'the bourbon guy.' i can live with this.
I just wanted to let you know that this afternoon I took a piss at the same toliet you drank out of on New Years Eve.
my knee is completely bruised from kneesliding into the bowling ball. bowling for creativity points was a win
I feel like I'm on let's make a deal. should I go with what's behind bulge number 1 or bulge number 2?
Hey is there a picture of me in a trash can on your phone?
There was another blizzard last night and at one point I was drinking 3 beers at once. Driving home didn't seem like a wise option
You think that was bad? One time my parents found my sister half naked on top of the four runner in the garage. She makes me look like the good child.
You were yelling at a tree saying it should be in the forest..
Don't judge me.
So what happened at girls night? My roomate found me passed out locked out on the front steps of the house and it was raining. Yes low moment
Remind me later when I want to buy more drinks that there's a 20 in my bra
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