I fink we're distracting them from bumping the proverbial uglies
Jon and Kate. Drink everytime we see tears. Drink twice if a child cries. Finish your bev if you cry.
Give me a heads up the next time you BBM me a voicenote of you cumming so I'll make sure not to play it while in the car with my parents. Miss you too.
She fell down the stairs and hit her head on the concrete. Then she stood up, flashed us and stumbled away. I forgot to get her number..
thanks for being my moral compass. and thanks for not always pointing north so i can be slutty and not feel bad about it.
It's 1 AM and there's a guy outside my house belting out Bennie and The Jets. He stops in between verses to puke. I'm joining him.
Your stories are the best. I feel like you're a spy among the heteros. It's not fair.
A nap. You broke your hand napping in Vegas.
DRAW HIM A PICTURE OF SOME FUCING AWESOME THING. LIKE A UNICORN OR SOME SHIT. FANTASTIC.
We have a shopping cart in our front lawn. Also Mickey D's breakfast?
You know it's been a rough week when you funnel beers by yourself.
We were supposed fuck one time, but ended up fucking for 2 years.
He gave me an orgasim so fantastic that I had an asthma attack.
How are you and the lady friend?
Well, she's a lunatic, and I love sex, so we're good.
Apparently my hair turned out really good because I got my butthole licked by a stranger last night
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