My mom caught just caught me jerking off...in her room.
I wasn't pimping you out... I was helping you network!
my lips still taste like vagina
so you liked breakfast?
ehh, still wish we woulda went to IHOP instead
Maybe if i steal enough bar glasses i can justify all the money spent i've spent there
Can't promise anything, there's vodka in my thermos
ME TOO. Am adrunk madr out qith. White guy. Guy de white. Blanco chico. Chico de blanco
You have my approval. I will dance and throw skittles at your funeral.
I also love beards. The playoffs are like christmas for my vagina.
So my roommate and I have a written agreement stating that if he tries to sleep with his ex girlfriend, I have to immediately intervene and nut punch him then send her on her way.
this is the most serious roommate agreement ever
You were definitely drunk. You gave him an otphj in front of everyone.
Thursday is not a good day to become a felon... It's bingo night
Was I drunk or did Alex not show up with 100 rainbow Jell-O shots?
Turns out he's just a recently divorced IT guy. Not a wizard.
Tell me why i'm looking through my medical records and the last thing it said about my labor was 'vagina was explored'!?
Her hot older sister walked in on us, looked me up and down, then stared straight at her and said "I call sloppy seconds on this one" then left. I'm still debating on how I feel about that.
Randomize
