he had to fake a sneeze attack to hide the fact he came in 15 seconds?!
so its atleast an 8 for creativity.
You were telling me to give my phone mouth to mouth so it wouldn't die.. Should i be worried for you?
I had to throw up. it was the only way to avoid kissing her after she swallowed..
It's so cute when the exchange student uses "blowjob" as a verb.
Is waterboarding an exceptable way of getting sober?
We need to play Chardee MacDennis. Contact me when you have an available date. This is not a question.
I cant tell which is worse. That its only my third time doing laundry this year or that its the first time ive done it sober.
Ive consumed more rum studying for law school finals than I did that time I fucked that fat chick in the back of VW Beetle. It's all ugly, but for different reasons.
I'll never forget how blunt of a wingman you were. "Excuse me, my friend wants to makeout with someone"
Please don't smoke the bong in the bathroom while you shit. It is not a shitting bong.
She came to class yesterday wearing a shirt saying Maybe Partying Will Help. Showed up to class today and puked three times.
It's after midnight. I didn't find the answer to my problem, but I did find the bottom of a bottle of vodka, so... there's that.
We got drunk and crashed a fifty year old woman's birthday party for the food. Whoops.
What shade of lipstick clearly states, I'm only attending this wedding for the drugs and groomsmen?
all i want is a guy to go down on me while i eat peanutbutter from a jar
Randomize
