atleast your grandma didn't give you her USED dildo just so you wouldn't have sex.
I have been sober for so long that I miss hangovers... what is happening to this summer?
Either I'm spending too much time drinking or my perfume is starting to smell like a pineapple vodka.
Should I tell him the real reason I was in the hospital, or should I just keep him thinking the side effect he thought was in for was allergy related, not I just miscarried the child I didn't know we were having?
So are you still down for me to come stay with you and just have sex on vicodin all weekend?
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Did i mention i'm like the equivilent of a prepubescent boy suffering from preejaculacy? I just about creamed my pants when he grabbed my hand..
Going to the u of w I constantly have that moment of, oh hey I felt you up at that rave at folk fest that one time. Winnipeg is too small.
Well then sir I'll probably see you tomorrow after my class and at 3 with your clothes off. Sounds like a solid way to start the weekend to me
So what's the moral standing on reading gay porn on your phone whilst sitting next to your 87 year old Grandma?
Ugh a 13 year old just asked me why people drink, I had to explain it without making it sound good. I need a drink.
I was so high last night I honestly think my tears were medicinal
I guess daylight savings isn't a holiday we need to celebrate for three days...
Just realized tomorrow is the anniversary of the time Dean and I glued DJ's leg back together with Neosporin and an Ace bandage. I'm bringing red velvet cupcakes to the party to celebrate.
If you wake up, and some of your hair is singed off, it probably has something to do with the lit cigarette you put in your hair. You said it could double as a bobby pin...?
i'm currently watching a guy eat a bunch of cacti and i have lost all faith in humanity
**cactuseses
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