And mexicans. My burrito likes you.
I wanna wear you like a flannel shirt
I may or may not have eaten the rest of your birthday cake last night after getting blazed and watching harry potter.
i think you have the wrong number
so then it wasn't your birthday cake. k, cool.
the chair was smiling at me in sociology and i had to try not to burst out laughing.
I just remembered yelling "they're gonna let me be a lawyer! Me! Why would they do that?"
Absence makes the cock grow harder.
Just came during my obgyn appt. I need to get laid.
You offered me some of your "Jungle Juice." It was just 151 and Absinthe. I don't know how you are still alive.
Hey I'm not sure why your jacket's covered in maple syrup but I just realized you didn't leave the house earlier wearing a jacket...
All I know is I want him to tie me up at least twice a week and I have an overwhelming urge to cook for him. Could this be love? I'm so confused....
Eating chips and sending nudes. This is my life.
you're hired as official boob wrangler
I smell like a brewery and I have been drinking for 7 hours. This seems like a perfect time to tell my husband I want a divorce.
Remind me later when I want to buy more drinks that there's a 20 in my bra
dude im trying to eat his ass so can you stop for 10 minutes
Randomize
