Just had to reach into my sister's bag and shut off her vibrator so my parents wouldn't hear it. I am the world's greatest brother.
Grab the Coors Light. Its time to get NASCAR drunk
It was as awful as eating cow testicles on fear factor and not winning and realizing you ate balls for nothing.
He had in his status he loved beating off and tagged his wife. another reason facebook should be for college.
I imagine my 13 hours of sleep after my 3 day upper bender was similar to Jesus rising from the dead.
Now that world cup is done, funneling out of a vuvuzela has lost its fun
just found $310, wrapped in a rubber band, at the bottom of my sock drawer with a note attached stating, "Make it rain".
It hurts to peel the glue off my chest and i keep finding glitter in my hair.
I just wanted to decorate you...
Also I think he would slowly, painfully, die. You really can't live without a penis. You'd explode.
You don't understand she was in the fountain pretending she was diving for treasure. I couldn't possibly ruin her dreams.
Was there a Canadian at your party or did I dream that?
Yeah I was thinking something along the lines of "I almost died, lets celebrate with sex. Come over"
If you hear a loud thud and smell ozone, I may have been electrocuted.
Idk maybe I'll talk to him once he gets out of jail just to yell at him and get my strawberry ice cream back.
its times like this i wish i didnt have a penis
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