i saw a stretcher and literally ran around for 10 minutes telling people it wasnt for me
Oh my god it just tripped me out that I used to be a baby, I had to tell you.
Waking and baking has revolutionized how i brush my teeth. Seriously up to like 25 min everry morn. Highly recommend
I HAVE MY OWN TITS FOR THAT AND I CAN GUARANTEE THAT THEYRE MORE GLORIOUS
how is telling me how long you drunkenly fucked someone supposed to make me miss you?
My day may involve a drug pinata. I LOVE MY LIFE.
Celebrating anything "Eve" is never a good choice! I feel like my soul's been put in a blender on the "destroy" setting- in other news: Happy 4th of July
When the neighbors threatened to call the cops, he yelled at them that American laws didnt apply to him because he was Danish. He then sang his own version of "America fuck yeah" along to daft punk, then fell down the porch steps. Can we keep him?!?!
He sent me nudes and then a text asking if I tried the new Cantina Bowl from Taco Bell. He sure does romance right, doesn't he?
He texted "fuck you" before blocking me on all social media. Come to think of it, that's also the last thing my mother said to me. Could it be that I'm the problem?
Don't worry I sent a creepy stalker message to a guy I slept with 6 years ago, Sunday Funday rock bottom
That moment when you're in a room with 3 guys and know how big their dicks are. Then you are married to the one with the smallest dick.
Money making scheme, blow job proof mascara. Waterproof is bullshit
I might need to come puke in your toliet on the way home
HE WAS CUMMING IN THAT DICK PIC
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