...So a 6 ft tall drag queen in heels I would kill for just told me I have a dunkable ass. I'm confused...but I'll take any compliment I can.
you were running down the aisles of wal mart singing 'follow the yellowbrick road'. i'm pretty sure you thought the night shift workers were the munchkins & started crying when they wouldnt help u find the wizard. needless to say u were pretty stoned/wasted
Her vagina felt like a horse was eating an apple out of my hand..
I checked into jail on foursquare
So, I just sold my textbook to have money for Plan B.
It's Friday afternoon and I'm drunk. This is how I cope.
some girl at the bar told me my beard would tickle every inch of her body till she joy puked her face off.... that was so random and odd i just had to buy her a drink for having the guts to say it to me. WTF
he kept telling me how much his girlfriend would love me while we were making. why does tequila always do this to me?
In this town being related to a brewing family or the owner of a sports team is like being royalty. It's like hooking up with the queen's nephew or something.
Well I think I made it pretty obvious I wasn't in to it. I was drinking a beer while he was going down in me
Can you think of a sexual word rhyming with snorkel?
It finally happened my mom knowingly gave me money to buy drugs i knew this day would come\n
Hey, do you know the person who woke me up last night at 1 in the morning yelling and being carried through the courtyard?
That was me Mom...
I'm currently using a band-aid to cover my bar stamp from last night while I ask my professor for an extension. That's a sign of getting more responsible, right?
We found you with your penis in the vacum hose crying softly...
Randomize
