You hooked up with 4 random girls, avoided your grilfriend finding out about it, and dodged traffic on Park Ave. Can you say luck of the Irish?
no guy is ever going to take you seriously as a potential marriage prospect unless you learn to swallow
she was puking red wine out the car window, telling me about how shes joining weight watchers tomorrow, not okay.
Just used my boobs as a ramp to guide ramen into my mouth.
She made me take my shoes off outside her room but she didn't make me wear a condom. I am confused.
I'm so confused. I feel like I just intentionally took roofies to see where I'd end up.
I still think he fell and scraped his elbow and lost his credit card buying 8 hot chocolates for hobos
A homeless guy wouldnt accept my granola bar because he didnt have any teeth. I think i win the prize for the ultimate rejection
it's just weird to think of you as a teacher since ive seen you throw up raspberry bacardi in my parents house
Did we seriously just get into a fist fight over kit kats?
I think I just did my first walk of shame. He sent me home with a watermelon from his farm. Southern one night stands.
My friend came into the apartment in real handcuffs at 4 in the morning. She was laughing and running around and then proceeded out the door...
Somehow my family started talking about sex toys at breakfast.
1) Woke up alone with my bathing suit on inside out spooning an empty bottle of Jack, 2) get the fuck on to my level 3) please pick me up and bring a stuffed pony, some Oreo's and my pride...
MDMA, margaritas, mashed potatoes and ice cream aren't keto Kristin
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