you told everyone your name was brenda and you had the whole party chanting b-dawgg by the end of the night. successful.
Sometimes when I see pregnant women, I wonder what position they were in when they got knocked up. Then I gag a little.
South Carolina's governor once cited "moral legitimacy" when he was a congressman voting for President Bill Clinton's impeachment. Karma is a bitch.
we saw you sitting at the door of the dorm trashed, wrapped in DANGER tape with a stolen balloon around your wrist
It took you an unbelievable amount of time to realize that your ass was on fire.
i think i recognize dicks better than faces
He told me he doesn't dance and he hates drunken excitement. Why I ever thought it would work is beyond me.
We can see it once so I can see the whole movie, then I'll go see it with him so I know when the boring parts are and I can have sex with him during those parts
This guy smells like mr Rogers puppets and I don't know how to deal with it
If I pissed all over some chicks bed I would probably apologize for getting so wasted, not putting out, and turning into a god damn R. Kelly Cinderella... Not ask for coffee and a ride home.
I may or have may not just taken a swig out of a jar of alfedo sauce in my fridge. Dont judge me
Why did you not tell me that video snapchats are a thing? This is a fucking game changer for my mobile sex life.
I deflowered you on valentines day. I AM THE BEST AT ROMANCE. LOVE ME.
The sex is great, I just think it'd be better if we listened to Deftones during it.
If I told the doordash driver it's national nudity day, think he'd still report me for being topless at the door?
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