I just saw a hot homeless man
Awesome. Ask her out.
Nope. She's got a detail of ed hardy security around her.
if i could have babies with my dog i totally would cause i know thay would be fucking hott babies.
Have you ever straight up just taken a bite out of a block of cheese? Because it's amazing.
He apologized for his naked psychotic episode and then we had goodbye sex on his sailboat
I just found scrambled eggs in my shower. Thanks for that, asshole.
Just got super judged by a walmart cashier for buying diet pills and candy in the same transaction. Like she has her life figured out.
there is literally a full grown man stuck between the radiator and her bed. i thought i kicked him out 20 minutes ago but nope we found him
I just want to like rub my face on his abs
I need help
orgasmnado...tomorrow night
That's what I'm talking about
ok I know you arent happy with the way we ended but paying someone to pass me an STD is TOTALLY FUCKED!!!
Company meeting and there he was. Felt a little weird like 'last night you were telling me how your dick loves me, and now we're listening to a report on sales figures'.
I think I may be going on too many job interviews. I've started to bring up Shonda Rhimes in my interview answers.
thanks for passing me through your vagina 20 years ago today. your the best
If he didn’t pick us up we would have been jerkwards eating sad pancakes at a Denny’s.
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