I just found out she jerks off to lesbian porn too honest to god
you wouldn't believe how perfect a match this is its scary
my entire walk over here no one looked in my eyes. Period Boobs are BAACKKK.
It was 5 a.m. and we found him making margaritas with nyquil...
Seriously. My exes act like they own shares of my vagina.
Well, in their defense, they have invested a lot of time and money
Lesbians. Lesbians everywhere.
Tuesday night just isn't my ideal coke binge night.
one of the service guys here said i licked ranch off your face lastnight
when you wake up try not to move. we are betting to see if more sprinkles stuck to you or the pong table.
gladiator or hannah montana?
This is why I never have to ask who you are when I get a new phone.
I just smoked by myself in my childhood bedroom, how happy does it seem I am to be home for Christmas?
He's drunk and I'm pain-killer high and we're about to watch fireworks at disney world. It's gonna be fucking magical
She fell off the bed and giggled until she passed out naked. It was really weird.
Probably not gonna date her.
There's some random guy here dryhumping my kitchen door. If he is a friend of yours, please come and retrieve him.
I'm writing off my condom expenses in my taxes
He asked me while we were fishing why the passion was gone when we have sex. It's official...I am the dude in this relationship.
Randomize
