I've been watching too much manswers. Cuz i know scissoring doesn't work on a motorcycle.
The worst part of it is that he's not the first man I've fucked with 2+ chihuahua's.
at the hospital. he locked himself in the kitchen, said he was making beer batter shrimp. don't know if it's the mercury poisoning, alcohol poisoning or second degree burns they're holding him for, but i've got a pretty guess.
Sorry if I put you in that 'glad we're hanging out but I'm gonna go fuck your cousin' kind of position
I think rescheduling my finals around when Im going to be hungover is responsible
We ended up getting arrested after we flagged down the cops for a ride home with open beers in our hands... turns out the "nobody told me" excuse doesn't cut it anymore
she kept yelling about wanting tacos, so I gave her a piece of bologna in a tortilla. she didn't know the difference
we've coined the Sunday morning ritual of taking out our puke-filled trash cans as The Trash Of Shame
We now know how the night ended in arrest according to the flip camera I did 10 handle pulls and beer bonged a 40. My life choices are getting worse and worse this is your fault.
He just fingered me to the Lion King soundtrack. And when he left he turned dramatically and said "I'll be back after work. Be prepared." Taint ALL the childhood memories.
I'm assuming the reason my elbow is so sore has something to do with all the broken shot glasses eh?
Yep
all I'm saying is that my epic blow jobs have made grown professional football players cry in ecstasy
I found pix on her phone of me passed out and her sticking things up my ass. Its over.
Just keep in mind that she didn't start telling you you had the largest penis she had ever seen until AFTER she found out about your multi-million-dollar trust fund.
Can you send me the pictures of me riding the penis
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