i paused nhl 10 while i jerked off and it was like a crowd was cheering me on
Hulk Hogan has now convinced 2 women to marry him & I have yet to have a successful or healthy relationship. I am officially depressed.
I woke up in the penthouse and did lines off the to of the fireplace. This is not real.
Before I left he asked me if I could submit my panties for the frat house undergarment chandelier. I said yes
Some girl at the bar was showing us her chipped tooth as a pick up line.
Nahh. Maybe not even a handful. It's more like a heaping teaspoon worth of dick.
You chest bumped everyone we walked by on the way home... Even girls
Who wouldn't want a man who can knock a guy out but also loves the bachelor.
It's the best of both worlds
Yo if you blacked out last night, careful going through your purse. There's cocaine in a lollipop wrapper.
Dude. Photoshop a Santa hat on your mug shot and send it as your Christmas cards.
Do you guys think there will be a coke-for-Molly barder at bonnaroo?
I'm sorry for drunkenly throwing a spoon at you and then laughing at your pain.
Just heard him in the middle stall. Sounded like someone emptied a toolbox into the toilet.
His front door was open but I INSISTED on army crawling FOOT FIRST under the garage door. Then I peed the bed.
I learned the hard way a garbage bag will not save you when jumping from a tree at 2am
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