Then you jumped off your bed with your arms outstretched, yelled "I'm Goliath, watch out New York!" and then began singing the Gargoyles theme song as you 'soared' around your room.
Don't be ridiculous, the Gargoyles theme song has no words. How could I sing that mess?
You just started going "da da da da da! da da da da da! DA DA!!" then going "swoosh" as you glided about.
i wish sherlock holmes were still around today... he'd be able to find my g-spot.
just apologized to a random stranger while waiting in line for coffee. last night was that drunk
Considering he believes im part of the 2016 us curling team id say hes pretty drunk
I just peed next to my dog in the yard. Unparalleled forms of bonding going on over here.
Just threw up on my desk at work. They are making me go home.
you have no chance. her best friend is a human abstinence poster.
Dude this breakup has officially hit rock bottom. sitting around watching women's NCAA basketball instead of going out
Can you give me a hickey quick? Im going to a white trash themed party. Completely serious
The homeless guy out front said it's his birthday and he asked us to join him for happy hour after work. He's buying a fifth of gin to celebrate.
A horseman, i repeat, a man on a horse downtown just told me i was gorgeous and my friends were not. Not drunk enough.
I'm almost too hungover to function. Got into the wrong car by mistake. there was a rotweiler in it. Thank god he was more confused than i was for a minute.
in your professional opinion, what's the most elegant way of saying "sorry I spent all night flirting with you, I thought you were gay" ?
Drinking is such a hassle. I wish I could just press a button and be drunk.
We're hate flirting, damnit.
Randomize
