1 of the best things of being a business owner is I don't get fired for having sex in the office
can you buy anything in the cafeteria for less than $2? I spent the last of my laundry money on a chia pet
i knew it was time to leave when he woke me up only wearing pooh bear oven mitts and holding a plate of thank you pancakes
idk what id do withouhrh yoy btro
About six hours after the bottle of smirnoff, I was googling "losing your stomach lining" and calling my mom for help. She has experience.
dude there's no way we're going back in there for your puke shoes
I think i just fucked the same guy a second time without realizing it....does that make me a good whore or a bad whore???
i didnt have any regrets until i found out he was a freshman.... and the only reason he got into yale was because of soccer... and he wasnt premed.
Because it was 5am and I had a shitty mixed drink and I was threatening to put my balls in your face.
Not the worst first impression I've experienced.
I just remembered that you tried to trade me for a glass of wine
I basically gave Miranda rights to the guy I hooked up with, jus so we were all clear what was happening
First. I had the strength. Now. I am the death.
Lucky bitch I'm at work covered in Jeff pee. And my hair smells like beer because I was trying to prove a point about PBR serving multiple purposes.
All time low: no dry towels so I'm using the sex towel to dry off
No I’m scared man. She sharted. In my car. Wearing a dress. And I still like her.
Wow
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