This is some kinda fucked up sordid doggy brothel peepshow bullshit.
Jon just got arrested by the quesadilla police
What?!?
What I actually meant, is I had a quesadilla, and Jon got arrested by the real police
So I ate yogurt with the back of my toothbrush. I feel like I've officially been initiated into college.
I have a new fascination with cutting really small segments of hair off peoples heads when they're not looking.
You brought out the iron board layed it on the ground in the middle of everyone and passed out for the night
She had one of those kid princess beds. I asked how she expected to fuck on that and she just said "thats what the slide is for". I've never wanted to marry a one night stand before.
the mechanics of walkigng feel weird right now everyone lools like a demon
what does alcohol mean
I really really need to have and out of body experience just so I can talk to myself about this shit that I'm doing with my life.
I'm not finished with being a sloppy white girl alcoholic. I didn't postpone having a husband and kids for sober weekends.
he's the only real guy friend I've had who I've never made out with
Last night I had a sex dream about Trudeau, he hasn't even been prime minister for 24 hours
And no one can masturbate with the sound of Bernie's voice in the background
1) break up with him. 2) feel bad. 3) fuck some other guy. 4) feel better. Boom! Life plan. You're welcome.
Just got an email from match.com trying to match me with My ex..I nearly pissed myself laughing
Did I tell you about the swingers? Because I think they're trying to trap me.
Randomize
