Its okay if i dont like him.his junk is just too good to resist.model penis,lame guy.
my vag is singing 'hurts so good' by john mellencamp
Woke up in a closet. I'm not drinking till summer.
It's always a surprise to see what songs I shazamed and downloaded last night while we were drunk at the bar.
Apparently I had an idea for a cooking show and then proceeded to throw cookies at people.
We made the bar tender tell us how he proposed to his girlfriend. In detail. While we made gushing noises. We are embarrassments to females everywhere
I'm too afraid that I'm 1. Banned or 2. Gonna be noticed by the lady bouncer I punched.
Note to self glow in the dark nail polish can be quite the mood killer during sex especially when you notice its working for the first time and you stop everything your doing to do spirit fingers
I GOT A VENDING MACHINE FOR OUR LIVING ROOM
I'm in Starbucks carrying the boxes wine and the hubcap. So many judging looks.
Woke up to my asscrack filled with melted Reese's Pieces. Halloween parties are so weird here man
I just had sex with the megalodon show on in the background and it was just as magical as it sounds
So... I woke up on a bench with a honey bun on my chest.
Are you telling me right now that the weed man sexted you?
THE WEED MAN SEXTED ME!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
They were playing some sort of fast food scavenger hunt game as an ice breaker. Some chick stamped a Starbucks logo on my hand and told me to go find the girl with the matching stamp and fill her with cream.
Dave had an Arby’s stamp and some sorority girl grabbed him and screamed “I’ve have the meat!”\n
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