You smell like stripper and shame
i just traded a sweatshirt for margaritas... why did they ever stop using the barter system??!!
You answered the door when the cops arrived with a beer in one hand and a pillowcase over your head yelling "GAGA, OOH LA LA!"
finally cleaned my dorm for the first time all year. bleach is awesome.
I'll probably regret it tomorrow. But right now, accepting this $2000 credit card so that I can finance booty calls from across the united states sounds like a golden idea.
Had to belly crawl across the floor to the toilet with my eyes closed to puke my life out without making my hangover worse. Three times.
I feel like god wrote up a contract of my life, and i just signed off on that shit without reading the fine print.
She kept talking about how amazing the banana she had yesterday was. Don't know if it was innuendo, stoned, or just a really amazing banana.
A nap. You broke your hand napping in Vegas.
Accomplishment of the day: changing my tampon at 38,000 ft with turbulence. Fasten seatbelt sign was definitely on.
we had a "who's sex playlist is better?" fight.....
The CEO is on this whole 'what do you do with your spare time?' kick. Umm... get drunk and have sex in bar parking lots.
It's Jesse McGoddamn Cartney, the whole world sings that shit
His PENIS is so fucking big that I always use caps, out of respect.
twas supposed to be night one of rebound break but it was night one of get sloppy drunk and dance half naked in an ice shack
Randomize
