They have glow in the dark condoms. That's so scary.
Something like a penis light saber.
he was uncircumcised...I HAVE NOT YET REACHED THAT SKILL LEVEL OF DICK
I accidentally asked my mom for a blowjob because 'mom' and 'molly' are next to each other in my address book.
that would combine my 3 fave things. christmas funfetti and paul simon
you rubbed the head of my dick and said "I shall call you Squishy and you shall be mine and you shall be my Squishy."
This chick just checked into her walk of shame on Foursquare... I think I'm in love.
I just scratched behind my ear and found icing. Fuck you.
In all fairness I didnt see your dick because it was already in her
Ok. Here's the plan. Take your hand (whichever is closest), summon all your nerve, and just stick it right down his pants.
I love you.
Karaoke machines out. We're taking turns farting into the microphone. Shits going south fast. Definitely be awake when you get home.
I came in and she was laying on the ground just stoking it saying "the floor is where our feet step"
Hey, if I'm gonna bastard a child and ruin his life, I'm going balls out.
In an unrelated matter, im gonna eat you out so much later.
you are singlehandedly the most cursed object the universe ever conceived
You're so sweet in the most vulgar ways
Randomize
