Girls behind me in the library are trying to outslut each other with stories from last semester. I'm about to set my cock on the table between them and label it "tie breaker"
In other news I saw a pack of make believe zombies walking down green st.
gotta love wednesdays
Because it is about to snow, I sent him for Diet Coke and cigarettes. It's the gay version of milk and bread.
My vagina is depressed thinking about her future.
So getting drunk in honor of the bomb threat is legit right?
For only eating leftover pizza for breakfast today, you sure do have a lot to vomit up...
god. I was just thinkin about the fact that there was a time in our life when we didn't drink.
Next Halloween, remind me to find a different wingman. Walking out in your pirate costume talking like Captain Ahab while i was banging her and telling me I had to harpoon the white whale really pissed her off.
I think I'm too tall to 69 successfully.
I think I might cry.
Note to self: don't try to shave your legs when sex-sore. You CANT reach, stop trying.
I'm gonna play eenie meenie at the bar tonight because it's women's day and I deserve the dick
I'm way too hungover for life right now
Is it a problem if I'm trying to condition Goodbye Horses to trigger an erection?
I woke up handcuffed to a bed wearing nothing but an army belt. Does this count as thanking our country?
you were making out with a girl because you told her you were part of Nsync
Randomize
