i met him on craigslist. and no i'm not a hooker.
Don't worry, there is no such thing as a fat, old or ugly blow job.
dude. we need more in our fridge then just beer and applesauce.
just got tipped $5 to put a barbie in a waffle cone and drip caramel sauce on it while a group of dudes cheered and one took pics. 90% sure they were sober
Idk what else to talk about besides you paying for half of my vaginaplasty.
The only reason we got away with streaking last time was cuz we had those miner hats
He referred to his penis as "a gentle giant" and said I had offended it
you put your hands over the taxi driver's eyes and shouted GUESS THE WAY TO THE CLUB
I have a new philosophy. Fuck wearing bras, it's summertime.
When you finally get laid, I shall make you a trophy out of dildos
Im fairly sure two chicks roofied me last night. Suckers. I love free drugs.
Cool. I might be making a sickly but incredibly well dressed wine drunk appearance in a couple hours
yea plus he's gonna be wearing his gumby costume so that'll take a lot of pressure off too
Im part way to drunk.
FML I accidentally sent the text about his bruised balls as a group text that included his brother and my boss.
Randomize
