Your vagina is a self cleaning oven.
We are allowed to think Jacob from Twilight is hot in 468 days!
I don't know what is sadder, the fact that you figured that out or the fact that I can't wait until then!!
his fiance had made him a calendar of pictures of her. he asked if he should take it down and i said no. i wanted her to watch.
I'm about to enter vancouver's biggest liquor store. I feel like I should sent you a "wish you were here" postcard.
I woke up to him climbing naked through my bedroom window with a bottle of jd in his hand. Of course I had sex with him.
For your information i will be shotgunning whiskey on may 21st.
His little brother just walked in, asked me if I'd blown his brother yet and then announced that he and his friends were going to play outside so we could play too.
WHY DO SO MANY HOBOS THINK I'M CUTE.
Tell him I'm the girl who was excited he spoke English. Then ask him where he picked me up from.
If by "in control" you mean him showing-up to work wasted, calling a customer a "fuckstick," and getting fired on the spot? Then yes, he is.
I made a Wendy's employee say fuck this and quit because I started flipping out due to a baked potato shortage. Of course I had a good night
If you have shit your pants within the past two years, please take a seat.
The drunk people on this bus are singing Journey songs. This is the whitest thing I've ever experienced
Listen. You dont know how advanced you are in yoga till you have to shave your butthole
He's a fucking ninja- think of the things he can probably do with his dick.
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