sitting in my room eating a boneless rib tv dinner, and listening to taylor swift's love story, and i sharted. had to finish the ribs and hear the end of the song before i went to the bathroom to wipe.
I am at a bar watching a rat tail get braided.
He was wearing a Knicks jersey I had to go home with him. it was a rough season.
I couldnt bring myself to steal alcohol from my dead grandma
Could be my worst decision since the whole 'third degree burn' fiasco.
I was pissed last night bc this girl didn't want to have sex but offered to reimburse me for the condoms. That just made me upset
She said I'm so hungry I could eat a dick and winked at me
Omg he has a washer and dryer IN his apartment and lots of back up toilet paper. I went home with an adult. My uterus is pumping out eggs beyond my control.
Learn from me. Do not smoke cigs and fold laundry in your room. The cigarette will fall into the dresser without you noticing and your shirts will be on fire. Wanna go shopping tomorrow? I need some new shirts.
My joke about liking my coffee like I like my men IS ABOUT TO COME TRUE.
Well I want to be mistreated and called a slut and finger banged
But I guess hugs would be nice
My sex life reached a new low tonight: we stopped into this bar so I could pee and when I got out of the bathroom my parents had ordered a round for us and this traveling nurse they met and were trying to run game for me. Saddest part? She was actually going for it.
So many questions...the two most important are, where the fuck is my booze and how did you even get the couch through the door?
thank you for being so understanding of my weak stomach and poor self-control
If you can wrestle my underwear off of me, you can top. It'll be like using an amulet in Legends of the Hidden Temple. Instead of not getting captured, you don't get fucked in the ass.
Randomize
